Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Interview 1 - Monday January 7th 2008.

Location: Institute For Quantum Research, Ripon, North Yorkshire.

Interviewer: Dr. P. S. Bright.

Subject: Miss Sharon Tidwell.

Also in attendance: Agent Gary Halliwell, Agent Rebecca Dawson, Special Agent Aaron MacLean.

Video transcript: WRH.

Interview commences 12.42 pm.

ST: I don’t understand what I’m doing here. I’ve done nothing wrong.

PSB: As the agents explained to you, Miss Tidwell, you’re not in any trouble – as long as you answer my questions.

ST: But I don’t know nothing! How can I—

PSB: (Produces Test Doll #549-Z.) Have you seen this doll before, Miss Tidwell?

ST: What? No.

PSB: Are you sure? Think hard now…

ST: It’s just a tatty old… I don’t know if I’ve… What does it matter? No, I’ve never seen it before in my life. Can I go now?

PSB: Think back to this Saturday, Miss Tidwell. The 5th. Were you anywhere on or around the South Beach, Scarborough at approximately… 9pm that evening?

ST: No. I was… 9 o’clock? I was round at me mate’s, Lindsay Chao’s house. Other side of town. You can ask her, I was there all night. She’s not been well. Got that bug that’s going round. She’s… We watched Braveheart, on Channel 4. It were shit. That Mel Gibson’s a right cock.

PSB: I see. Roll the CCTV.

Miss Tidwell watches CCTV footage recorded at South Beach Promenade, Scarborough, Saturday the 5th, 9.09pm.

PSB: Now, Miss Tidwell – was that or was that not you—

ST: So? Yeah, so I forgot. There’s no law against…

PSB: No, and as I said to you earlier, you’re not in any trouble – as long as you answer my questions – truthfully. Now, at 9.11pm, you’re seen throwing an object from the promenade into the sea. Can you confirm–?

ST: What? Is that what this is…? Littering? It was just a pebble. You’re allowed to throw a pebble into the sea, aren’t you? That’s where they come from. I mean, I was just putting it back–

PSB: It wasn’t a pebble, Miss Tidwell. As you’ll see from the computer-enhanced footage on the screen now – we both know perfectly well that it wasn’t a pebble. It was in fact (holding up Test Doll #549-Z) this doll… was it not?

ST: Might have been.

PSB: Thank you. Now, so as not to waste any more of our time with this unnecessary… obfuscation, I’ll cut right to the chase. You see, this doll – this is no ordinary doll, Miss Tidwell. In fact, it’s a very special doll. It wasn’t actually yours to dispose of in such a manner, but we’re willing to let that slide – as long as you tell us how the doll came into your possession in the first place.

ST: Look, mister, right, I’m sorry if I threw your Barbie into the fucking sea and that, but I swear, I swear I don’t know nothing about no offbustation…

AM: Where – did you – get – the doll?

ST: Wayne. Wayne Bextor. All right? Can I go now?

Read the complete story here.